"Why are you so quiet?"

September 1, 8:46 PM

My silence is not empty, despite the absence of sound. I will not “fill” it with tactless talk just to ease the one-sided discomfort of not immediately having something to say. It is not a show of restraint to be quiet, but an understanding that there is simply no thought I find necessary to be vocalized. I am aware of this within myself, yet it disturbs me that I do want someone to know this about me. I want them to know that I am comfortable in the quiet, putting them at ease.

Or perhaps, I just don’t like you. And therefore I do not wish to converse or I do not wish for you to process my mind. I dislike the feeling of insecurity I hold concerning this mindset. I feel confident within myself, but I question the way in which this practice is perceived. I fear that it will be misconstrued as “awkwardness” as “thoughtlessness”. 

Is my comfort palpable to infect the other? Often in these thick moments, I am asked “What are you thinking?” implying a recognition that I have something going on beyond our verbal interaction. That I, myself, am not assumed empty.